Sunday, May 20, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
BROTHER HASSAN...PUBLISHED AUTHOR! YAY!
i have been like a kid on Christmas morning, or on their birthday, if you prefer, ever since I received the mail with this in it. I am finally a PUBLISHED AUTHOR. After the constant trials and setbacks, after having doubt creep in my mind as to whether or not it was "meant to be" that it finally get released, I am now in a position to see my 8 year vision become a REALITY. I slept with one of the book copies(LOL), and I have taken it with me everywhere I go....it is 312 pages, and I must say, I have never in my life been prouder of myself. I know that might sound corny, but my life's dream is now REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
R.I.P. Black Heterosexual America 1555-201?
R.I.P. Black Heterosexual America.
It pains me on many levels, to have to write your obituary here in 2012. I feared it would be coming at some point in my lifetime, but never expected the realization to hit me right after my 38th birthday. I read an article by Dr. Boyce Watkins today entitled, "African American Female HIV Rates Now Rival Africa" online at www.newsone.com, in which Dr Watkins laid out, with impressive detail, the latest statistics regarding black heterosexual women contracting HIV at 5 times the rate previously thought, according to the CDC(Centers for Disease Control). The article also pointed out that 1 in 32 black women will contract HIV during their lifetime. I was wondering when these types of numbers would occur, and yet at the same time, I was alarmed because I knew that by the time scientists arrived at these figures, it may already be too late to stem the tide of increasing infections.
Too late?
Why would you say this, Brother Hassan?
I will outline a few reasons for my statement, and then deliver the obituary as promised.
1). In nearly 32 years of the HIV/AIDS pandemic, HIV activists have tried their level best to make substantive inroads into educating poor and "minority" communities of the need for increased sexual awareness and responsibility for their sexual health. Black heterosexual America does not seem to be getting the message. In fact, so firmly entrenched is the idea among black heterosexual men in particular, that HIV is a gay man's disease, that the notion of regular HIV testing among this group is adverse to their perception of their own heterosexuality. After all, why do I need to get tested when I don't stick a man up the butt, or have a man plunge my sphincter into a pulp?
2). Adding to this point, the culture of both benign and malignant homophobia( or for those heterosexuals that worm their way out of that by claiming they cannot be homophobic because they are not technically"afraid" of gays), or anti same-gender loving bigotry within both religious circles and institutions, and within black male and female secular society, will make proper education of HIV impossible going forward. We are regressing, not progressing. While interviewing for my book, "When The Lights Go Out: The Truth About Black Male Prison Sexuality" , I encountered hundreds and hundreds of black men who swore up and down that they were fine because they not into "that gay shit", so they are "clean". This Neanderthal level of ignorance is too common among black heterosexual men, and among the women, it may be even worse.
3). With the release of the now infamous book, "On The Down Low", By J.L. King in 2004, and the subsequent appearance on Oprah that same year, black heterosexual America was given what it needed: a boogey man... a villian...a missing link to "explain" to them why so many among the ranks of the black woman were contracting HIV. "Aha!" so many black women exclaimed. "So that's how we are getting it. These fags are ON THE DOWN LOW giving it to us. I knew it was a gay disease. This explains how so many of us are now getting it." . All over America, millions of black women filled up airwaves, chatrooms, hair salons, churches and other places to warn each other about the sinister, evil, diabolical machinations of this lying, deceitful segment of men who Trojan Horsed them into a positive HIV status.
Meanwhile, we would learn that the problem of "DL" men was not as serious as first thought, that it was largely way over hyped by media, and although there are definite cases of it all over, it did not explain the major reason for black women having HIV in the numbers they did.
That was not mentioned nearly as loudly, or with as much excitement.
No "juicy" story for black radio to blow up into oblivion for ratings, if it was discovered that "plain old" heterosexual men have a large role in HIV infection with black women. No $$$ for J.L. King to peddle his narrative to keep those coins coming in(he allegedly brags, according to reports I have received, that he made $10 million off of that book). That brings the "boogeyman" to black heterosexual America's doorstep, instead of those "abominations" who act like a "real man" but in fact engage in....wait for it...homosexual sex ........(speaks in shameful whisper, while looking around to see if anyone can hear us)...
Sex sells.
Gay sex sells big time it appears.
4). The Church does not help matters much either. In the 1980's and 1990's, when HIV/AIDS hit the LGBT (or same-gender loving, if you prefer) community like a Tsunami, many black churches not only stayed silent, some echoed the talking points of Jerry Falwell type preachers who proclaimed that AIDS was God's curse on Homosexuality. Now that black, heterosexual women are being hit by the virus ( at a time when medicine is 100 times better at treating HIV than it was in the 80's and 90's), I hear calls from black sistas for gays to join forces with them to fight the disease.
Sounds good, right????
Right???
Hold up.
Where were these women when 13 of my friends and associates between 1995-2001 passed away from AIDS related illnesses? To have to find other places besides a church to hold a service, because the preacher did not want an "AIDS infested corpse" in his church. To see the look of disdain on so many black women's faces when you mentioned that you were a FRIEND of someone with HIV/AIDS. The seething hate. The disgust. Being made to feel sub-human because you were gay, and your friend died of this terrible disease. Ever had to do 13 funerals in 6 years, all for the same virus, with all of your friends dying, and be treated with such venom, as from black heterosexual, Bible thumping, judgmental church and non church women?
I have.
This is why the calls for unity will take some prayer from me before I leap in to help folks that I know would not give two fucks about me, or lift a finger, if I were in their shoes. Those are my issues, and I do not expect others to feel the same.
RIP, Black Heterosexual America.
It isn't as though HIV itself will kill you if you get treated and make lifestyle choices to prolong your life. It is your ignorance that will do you in. So many millions of black men not getting tested(and lets face it; never will begin to get tested twice a year to stay on top of their sexual health), and black women taking zero responsibility for their sexual health, "trusting" the man they barely know, or clearly do not know well enough, and have not been tested with to care for their bodies as they should, will sign the death warrant on these descendants of a great and mighty people. In the Old Testament(you know, the book black heterosexuals dust off to condemn gays with), there is a verse of scripture in Hosea 4:6 that reads,"My people are destroyed, for the lack of knowledge, and because you have rejected knowledge, so also will I reject thee..."
So, it was nice knowing you, black heterosexual America. Take care. Hope Heaven is as good as that Bible you quote from says it is. You may get to see it sooner than you imagine.
Regrettably,
I am,
Your Friend and Brother,
Hassan Hartley
"Brother Hassan"
It pains me on many levels, to have to write your obituary here in 2012. I feared it would be coming at some point in my lifetime, but never expected the realization to hit me right after my 38th birthday. I read an article by Dr. Boyce Watkins today entitled, "African American Female HIV Rates Now Rival Africa" online at www.newsone.com, in which Dr Watkins laid out, with impressive detail, the latest statistics regarding black heterosexual women contracting HIV at 5 times the rate previously thought, according to the CDC(Centers for Disease Control). The article also pointed out that 1 in 32 black women will contract HIV during their lifetime. I was wondering when these types of numbers would occur, and yet at the same time, I was alarmed because I knew that by the time scientists arrived at these figures, it may already be too late to stem the tide of increasing infections.
Too late?
Why would you say this, Brother Hassan?
I will outline a few reasons for my statement, and then deliver the obituary as promised.
1). In nearly 32 years of the HIV/AIDS pandemic, HIV activists have tried their level best to make substantive inroads into educating poor and "minority" communities of the need for increased sexual awareness and responsibility for their sexual health. Black heterosexual America does not seem to be getting the message. In fact, so firmly entrenched is the idea among black heterosexual men in particular, that HIV is a gay man's disease, that the notion of regular HIV testing among this group is adverse to their perception of their own heterosexuality. After all, why do I need to get tested when I don't stick a man up the butt, or have a man plunge my sphincter into a pulp?
2). Adding to this point, the culture of both benign and malignant homophobia( or for those heterosexuals that worm their way out of that by claiming they cannot be homophobic because they are not technically"afraid" of gays), or anti same-gender loving bigotry within both religious circles and institutions, and within black male and female secular society, will make proper education of HIV impossible going forward. We are regressing, not progressing. While interviewing for my book, "When The Lights Go Out: The Truth About Black Male Prison Sexuality" , I encountered hundreds and hundreds of black men who swore up and down that they were fine because they not into "that gay shit", so they are "clean". This Neanderthal level of ignorance is too common among black heterosexual men, and among the women, it may be even worse.
3). With the release of the now infamous book, "On The Down Low", By J.L. King in 2004, and the subsequent appearance on Oprah that same year, black heterosexual America was given what it needed: a boogey man... a villian...a missing link to "explain" to them why so many among the ranks of the black woman were contracting HIV. "Aha!" so many black women exclaimed. "So that's how we are getting it. These fags are ON THE DOWN LOW giving it to us. I knew it was a gay disease. This explains how so many of us are now getting it." . All over America, millions of black women filled up airwaves, chatrooms, hair salons, churches and other places to warn each other about the sinister, evil, diabolical machinations of this lying, deceitful segment of men who Trojan Horsed them into a positive HIV status.
Meanwhile, we would learn that the problem of "DL" men was not as serious as first thought, that it was largely way over hyped by media, and although there are definite cases of it all over, it did not explain the major reason for black women having HIV in the numbers they did.
That was not mentioned nearly as loudly, or with as much excitement.
No "juicy" story for black radio to blow up into oblivion for ratings, if it was discovered that "plain old" heterosexual men have a large role in HIV infection with black women. No $$$ for J.L. King to peddle his narrative to keep those coins coming in(he allegedly brags, according to reports I have received, that he made $10 million off of that book). That brings the "boogeyman" to black heterosexual America's doorstep, instead of those "abominations" who act like a "real man" but in fact engage in....wait for it...homosexual sex ........(speaks in shameful whisper, while looking around to see if anyone can hear us)...
Sex sells.
Gay sex sells big time it appears.
4). The Church does not help matters much either. In the 1980's and 1990's, when HIV/AIDS hit the LGBT (or same-gender loving, if you prefer) community like a Tsunami, many black churches not only stayed silent, some echoed the talking points of Jerry Falwell type preachers who proclaimed that AIDS was God's curse on Homosexuality. Now that black, heterosexual women are being hit by the virus ( at a time when medicine is 100 times better at treating HIV than it was in the 80's and 90's), I hear calls from black sistas for gays to join forces with them to fight the disease.
Sounds good, right????
Right???
Hold up.
Where were these women when 13 of my friends and associates between 1995-2001 passed away from AIDS related illnesses? To have to find other places besides a church to hold a service, because the preacher did not want an "AIDS infested corpse" in his church. To see the look of disdain on so many black women's faces when you mentioned that you were a FRIEND of someone with HIV/AIDS. The seething hate. The disgust. Being made to feel sub-human because you were gay, and your friend died of this terrible disease. Ever had to do 13 funerals in 6 years, all for the same virus, with all of your friends dying, and be treated with such venom, as from black heterosexual, Bible thumping, judgmental church and non church women?
I have.
This is why the calls for unity will take some prayer from me before I leap in to help folks that I know would not give two fucks about me, or lift a finger, if I were in their shoes. Those are my issues, and I do not expect others to feel the same.
RIP, Black Heterosexual America.
It isn't as though HIV itself will kill you if you get treated and make lifestyle choices to prolong your life. It is your ignorance that will do you in. So many millions of black men not getting tested(and lets face it; never will begin to get tested twice a year to stay on top of their sexual health), and black women taking zero responsibility for their sexual health, "trusting" the man they barely know, or clearly do not know well enough, and have not been tested with to care for their bodies as they should, will sign the death warrant on these descendants of a great and mighty people. In the Old Testament(you know, the book black heterosexuals dust off to condemn gays with), there is a verse of scripture in Hosea 4:6 that reads,"My people are destroyed, for the lack of knowledge, and because you have rejected knowledge, so also will I reject thee..."
So, it was nice knowing you, black heterosexual America. Take care. Hope Heaven is as good as that Bible you quote from says it is. You may get to see it sooner than you imagine.
Regrettably,
I am,
Your Friend and Brother,
Hassan Hartley
"Brother Hassan"
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
My Open Letter To Stephen A. Smith,ESPN Analyst, on "Oversensitivity in American Pop Culture"
Dear Mr. Stephen A. Smith,
I am writing this open letter to you, in response to comments made on your show with Skip Bayless yesterday regarding "sensitivity" as it regards to race. Let me preface my remarks by noting, for the record, that I am a 37 year old Black Gay(Same Gender Loving) male that watches the banter between yo and Skip every morning before I head off to work. I am a big fan of sports, particularly football and basketball. I was curious about comments you made yesterday regarding "oversensitivity" of some groups, such as Blacks, Asians, Latinos/Hispanics, etc, and "homosexuals"(as you described us). You kept using the term "mistake" which I found particularly frustrating, in your overall statement that a person who makes, as you call it a "mistake" or incendiary, offensive, or derogatory remark about another group getting fired or suspended, and having " their ability to provide for their wives and children interrupted" by these seemingly simple "mistakes". Here are my issues with this:
1). On what planet, does a GROWN MAN OR WOMAN, need to be told, that when you are in the public square, be it television, twitter, radio, print news or blogging, that when you are an athlete or public figure, that "jokes" about race, gender or sexual orientation WILL be scrutinized, and perceived in many different ways, some maybe taking it as offense? When you give interviews and stand before the public, you sign an inherent underlying social contract that such comments, even if benign to YOU, may cause offense to others. How are these "simple, innocent mistakes" as you implied that they are? I have no problem with people speaking their mind, as long as they are adult enough to handle the consequences for their actions. Think of it this way: If you would not dare "joke" about the Jewish community, out of fear of reprisal, then that means that these people on some level are aware of what to say and NOT to say, so it speaks more to who you respect(fear, maybe?) and who you have no regard for, that makes it easier or more difficult to make incendiary "jokes" about that group.
2). You also made a remark that you "may just not know" if another group will take your(or anyone's) remarks about said group offensively. I think you are WAY too smart for this, Mr. Smith. Come on. Using the phrase, "CHINK in the armor" when referring to an ASIAN athlete seems pretty clearly offensive to me. (referencing the ESPN controversy recently). When you are paid to be in public, how do people NOT know to keep it professional? I have read more than my share of your tweets. You use words to push buttons all the time, and you are well aware of their intended effect. I do much the same. If I am on my job, and make a racially offensive remark to someone on the property during company time, i can and most likely will be disciplined. If you are an athlete getting millions of dollars to represent a product or company, EVERYTHING you say will be viewed a certain way, and by now, all athletes and folk in sports media should know this. Please explain how they do not. This defense by "ignorance" is a crock of crap.
3). I follow a Golden Rule, and this usually keeps things 100% tight and right for me: Treat others, the way you want to be treated. It's old, i know. If people think like that, however, none of this would happen, would it? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know not to call gays "fags, homos, punks"etc. or any such reference. Doesn't take anyone with an IQ over 65 to know that race is a SENSITIVE subject, and unless you got the balls to go there, stay the heck away. What I think you do not realize, is that many in your profession, be they athletes, writers, media folks,etc. can HIDE a whole lot of hateful stuff under the guise of it being a "joke", thinking they can push buttons, get attention, and stir folks up, because the groups they ridicule, they think are punching bags, and not much will be done. Then when they get fired or suspended, they cry victim. Come on, Mr. Smith. They underestimated the reaction, but they DAMN WELL knew that a reaction of some kind was coming. If they have to feed their families off of what they say in public, then bottom line is, they need to keep it cute, or keep it on mute.
Mr Smith, I continue to get a laugh and be entertained and informed by you and Skip on a daily basis...but let's not pretend folks don't know what they are doing when they say certain things. They just miscalculated the response.
Take care!
Sincerely,
Brother Hassan
I am writing this open letter to you, in response to comments made on your show with Skip Bayless yesterday regarding "sensitivity" as it regards to race. Let me preface my remarks by noting, for the record, that I am a 37 year old Black Gay(Same Gender Loving) male that watches the banter between yo and Skip every morning before I head off to work. I am a big fan of sports, particularly football and basketball. I was curious about comments you made yesterday regarding "oversensitivity" of some groups, such as Blacks, Asians, Latinos/Hispanics, etc, and "homosexuals"(as you described us). You kept using the term "mistake" which I found particularly frustrating, in your overall statement that a person who makes, as you call it a "mistake" or incendiary, offensive, or derogatory remark about another group getting fired or suspended, and having " their ability to provide for their wives and children interrupted" by these seemingly simple "mistakes". Here are my issues with this:
1). On what planet, does a GROWN MAN OR WOMAN, need to be told, that when you are in the public square, be it television, twitter, radio, print news or blogging, that when you are an athlete or public figure, that "jokes" about race, gender or sexual orientation WILL be scrutinized, and perceived in many different ways, some maybe taking it as offense? When you give interviews and stand before the public, you sign an inherent underlying social contract that such comments, even if benign to YOU, may cause offense to others. How are these "simple, innocent mistakes" as you implied that they are? I have no problem with people speaking their mind, as long as they are adult enough to handle the consequences for their actions. Think of it this way: If you would not dare "joke" about the Jewish community, out of fear of reprisal, then that means that these people on some level are aware of what to say and NOT to say, so it speaks more to who you respect(fear, maybe?) and who you have no regard for, that makes it easier or more difficult to make incendiary "jokes" about that group.
2). You also made a remark that you "may just not know" if another group will take your(or anyone's) remarks about said group offensively. I think you are WAY too smart for this, Mr. Smith. Come on. Using the phrase, "CHINK in the armor" when referring to an ASIAN athlete seems pretty clearly offensive to me. (referencing the ESPN controversy recently). When you are paid to be in public, how do people NOT know to keep it professional? I have read more than my share of your tweets. You use words to push buttons all the time, and you are well aware of their intended effect. I do much the same. If I am on my job, and make a racially offensive remark to someone on the property during company time, i can and most likely will be disciplined. If you are an athlete getting millions of dollars to represent a product or company, EVERYTHING you say will be viewed a certain way, and by now, all athletes and folk in sports media should know this. Please explain how they do not. This defense by "ignorance" is a crock of crap.
3). I follow a Golden Rule, and this usually keeps things 100% tight and right for me: Treat others, the way you want to be treated. It's old, i know. If people think like that, however, none of this would happen, would it? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know not to call gays "fags, homos, punks"etc. or any such reference. Doesn't take anyone with an IQ over 65 to know that race is a SENSITIVE subject, and unless you got the balls to go there, stay the heck away. What I think you do not realize, is that many in your profession, be they athletes, writers, media folks,etc. can HIDE a whole lot of hateful stuff under the guise of it being a "joke", thinking they can push buttons, get attention, and stir folks up, because the groups they ridicule, they think are punching bags, and not much will be done. Then when they get fired or suspended, they cry victim. Come on, Mr. Smith. They underestimated the reaction, but they DAMN WELL knew that a reaction of some kind was coming. If they have to feed their families off of what they say in public, then bottom line is, they need to keep it cute, or keep it on mute.
Mr Smith, I continue to get a laugh and be entertained and informed by you and Skip on a daily basis...but let's not pretend folks don't know what they are doing when they say certain things. They just miscalculated the response.
Take care!
Sincerely,
Brother Hassan
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Life: More like High School Than I ever Imagined....
Hey guys!
I was just sitting here at work, pondering some things, and it occurred to me that life is a lot like high school...whether you are at work, in a social setting such as a club or party, or what type of person you date, there are similarities that fall into social archetypes crystalized during your high school years. I wanted to take a few moments to jot down some of the personality types and social roles many people fall into, and how life is either similar, or different, than high school. Here goes:
1).Extrovert /Mr./Ms. Popular: This person seems to chatter and socialize all day long. Their concept is either implicitly, or explicitly, wrapped up in their social standing with their peers. This is a common behavioral concept, as most human beings enjoy adoration. These people, however, crave it. they will say and do whatever is necessary to keep the image they want you to have of them, intact.
2). Introvert/Mr/Ms Shy Person: This person is very comfortable in the background, with a few friends, does not engage in many social activities unless it means a lot to them. They find themselves rising rapidly in certain fields, such as music or sports, because their talent allows them to be the type of person that they wished they could be, and be very successful at the same time. Example of a talented introvert: Michael Jackson.
3). Jock: This type is not particularly bright, but is physically gifted and usually pays more attention to his body or his sporting endeavor, because it is his niche into the social mainstream of his peer group. They tend to hang with other jocks, discuss physical matters, and develop their identity around their physical prowess. Whether they be athletes in high school, or muscle queens in the gym, the pathology is the same.
4).Anti-Extrovert: This is different from a true introvert, as this type of person has made a conscious decision to go against the "I'm popular" grain by doing things that, while drawing attention to themselves, paint an image of them as a "bad boy", not the person attempting to place their best image forward to gain peer respect. Types that fall into this category are: quiet butch queens that hyper-masculinize their "thug" persona to appear "hard", the Goth/Metal crowd, the party gal that does every drug known to man and gets shit-faced, and the flamboyant fem queen that must take every stereotype of being gay, and portray each one with volume turned all the way up to shock people into noticing them. A common strand of each personality type is tremendous low self esteem.
5). Mean Girls: In high school, these girls hung together like a pack of hyenas, to be as mean as they could to introverted, quiet types they can pick on. Individually, they weren't enough to add up to a hill of beans, but together, they unite to terrorize those they think they can prey on. They exist in real life as well. Some black folks, when they first meet you, will intentionally try you with a crack that can be considered offensive, just to monitor your reaction. If they see you might be hurt by it, they turn the "mean girl" in them on until you snap. The best strategy for shutting a mean girl down, is to stop them right after the FIRST wisecrack. Establish that you are not to be played with up front, and "mean girls", whether male or female, will back down.
6)Nerds/Geeks/Socially Awkward: These kids had a devil of a time being respected and admired in high school. They didn't fit in with the "cool kids" the popular kids, the jocks, or anyone else. They were brighter than the others, but you can't wear intelligence to the High School Prom, can you? They fell into the introverted group only because the other groups drove them there. Be careful though: In high school, nerds and geeks had no power in the pecking order. In the real world, they are your bosses and the owners of your companies. They suffered hell in high school and have made up their mind to be successful and reap holy Hell on anyone who tries them the same way they were tried in high school. They will read you into a coffin, and then figure out a neat way to fire you.
7).Cool Kids: these are the naturally popular people. They dress nice, have "the look" people are drawn to, and are on everyone's list of people to hang with. Some have substance, some do not. Case by case basis.Image is something they never have to work at, unlike extroverts, and so they are usually those elected to high school offices and such. They go on to live decent lives, working for the nerds and geeks they shunned in high school.
Hope you can see yourself in one of these types...Take care!
I was just sitting here at work, pondering some things, and it occurred to me that life is a lot like high school...whether you are at work, in a social setting such as a club or party, or what type of person you date, there are similarities that fall into social archetypes crystalized during your high school years. I wanted to take a few moments to jot down some of the personality types and social roles many people fall into, and how life is either similar, or different, than high school. Here goes:
1).Extrovert /Mr./Ms. Popular: This person seems to chatter and socialize all day long. Their concept is either implicitly, or explicitly, wrapped up in their social standing with their peers. This is a common behavioral concept, as most human beings enjoy adoration. These people, however, crave it. they will say and do whatever is necessary to keep the image they want you to have of them, intact.
2). Introvert/Mr/Ms Shy Person: This person is very comfortable in the background, with a few friends, does not engage in many social activities unless it means a lot to them. They find themselves rising rapidly in certain fields, such as music or sports, because their talent allows them to be the type of person that they wished they could be, and be very successful at the same time. Example of a talented introvert: Michael Jackson.
3). Jock: This type is not particularly bright, but is physically gifted and usually pays more attention to his body or his sporting endeavor, because it is his niche into the social mainstream of his peer group. They tend to hang with other jocks, discuss physical matters, and develop their identity around their physical prowess. Whether they be athletes in high school, or muscle queens in the gym, the pathology is the same.
4).Anti-Extrovert: This is different from a true introvert, as this type of person has made a conscious decision to go against the "I'm popular" grain by doing things that, while drawing attention to themselves, paint an image of them as a "bad boy", not the person attempting to place their best image forward to gain peer respect. Types that fall into this category are: quiet butch queens that hyper-masculinize their "thug" persona to appear "hard", the Goth/Metal crowd, the party gal that does every drug known to man and gets shit-faced, and the flamboyant fem queen that must take every stereotype of being gay, and portray each one with volume turned all the way up to shock people into noticing them. A common strand of each personality type is tremendous low self esteem.
5). Mean Girls: In high school, these girls hung together like a pack of hyenas, to be as mean as they could to introverted, quiet types they can pick on. Individually, they weren't enough to add up to a hill of beans, but together, they unite to terrorize those they think they can prey on. They exist in real life as well. Some black folks, when they first meet you, will intentionally try you with a crack that can be considered offensive, just to monitor your reaction. If they see you might be hurt by it, they turn the "mean girl" in them on until you snap. The best strategy for shutting a mean girl down, is to stop them right after the FIRST wisecrack. Establish that you are not to be played with up front, and "mean girls", whether male or female, will back down.
6)Nerds/Geeks/Socially Awkward: These kids had a devil of a time being respected and admired in high school. They didn't fit in with the "cool kids" the popular kids, the jocks, or anyone else. They were brighter than the others, but you can't wear intelligence to the High School Prom, can you? They fell into the introverted group only because the other groups drove them there. Be careful though: In high school, nerds and geeks had no power in the pecking order. In the real world, they are your bosses and the owners of your companies. They suffered hell in high school and have made up their mind to be successful and reap holy Hell on anyone who tries them the same way they were tried in high school. They will read you into a coffin, and then figure out a neat way to fire you.
7).Cool Kids: these are the naturally popular people. They dress nice, have "the look" people are drawn to, and are on everyone's list of people to hang with. Some have substance, some do not. Case by case basis.Image is something they never have to work at, unlike extroverts, and so they are usually those elected to high school offices and such. They go on to live decent lives, working for the nerds and geeks they shunned in high school.
Hope you can see yourself in one of these types...Take care!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Placing Friendship Over Truth: How Organizations Crumble From Within...
Hey guys!
Just wanted to give you a quick shout, and impart some common sense, tough-nosed lessons for some who may misconstrue my blunt, direct, and forthright approach. Here goes:
1). For me, TRUTH comes before everything. Friendships, relationships, family, all must be rooted in TRUTH. Sometimes truth can be harsh. At times truth can be brutal. If it is the TRUTH, however, then to speak it, or type it, knowing that it will offend, scare, anger or empower people is not a bad thing. Sacrificing TRUTH for friendship with your homies, or to create a false sense of peace in your organizations, churches, or groups, is to ensure the downfall of those entities. Far too often, particularly black people, stay silent about things, out of fear that to speak it will "cause drama", or disrupt peace. The worst threat to peace, however, IS silence. In the Holy Qur'an, there is a verse that reads: "And We CAST Truth against Falsehood, until we knocked out its brains". One must think to tell a lie. The lie itself is an intangible thing; The liar, however is real. If peace can only be achieved through a series of lies, then the bearer of Truth will be in conflict with those who wish to keep falsehood as the order of the day.
2). Freedom of speech is often misunderstood. Just because you have the freedom to speak your mind, does not mean you now become free from having that opinion challenged. Most people want, at their core(although they will never admit it), to speak their mind, have everyone AGREE, and they move on. Just remember: If you say you are the greatest this or that, in the world, others have the right to say, "that's bullshit", and challenge your assertion. If you are not strong enough to stand on it without becoming emotional, then you will be destroyed and end up running away from that which challenged you. Weakness and immaturity of speech will only get you slayed.
3). If you have a need to be validated or loved by strangers, and have no solid foundation of self love, you will not make it through life very well. Most people who seek a lot of attention, are really missing something on the inside that they think adoration from others will fulfill. It will not. Maturity involves knowing that you are a whole person, full of self love, and that self love will cause others to love you without you even trying. After all, as Iyanla Vanzant says, "If you don't like being with yourself, how is anyone else going to like being with you???" The "look at me, aren't i pretty and sexy? don"t you like me? Please tell me I'm hot" mentality is so pathetic.
4) OWN YOUR SHIT. If you lie and get caught, OWN IT. If you have made mistakes, OWN THEM. Because refusal to own our faults allows others to use them against us. This is why I wrote a book detailing aspects of the worst part of my life journey. Because I have made peace with it, no one can use it against me once i make peace with my past.
5).When a person will correct you, it does not signal hate, or "negativity". When a person will correct you, it is often for your own improvement. If you do not have the depth of character to handle correction, then you will sleepwalk through life, unable to grow because you cannot even correct your own faults. The Bible speaks to this: "...He whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth much..."So even God is not above correcting us, in ways we may think harshly also, to get us to be better. Don't get all bent out of shape, lying to cover your lie, attacking the corrector, and getting all in your feelings. Toughen up, humble yourself, and look at what was stated.
I hope that someone can draw from these words, as much as I did even in forming them. Take care! Love you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just wanted to give you a quick shout, and impart some common sense, tough-nosed lessons for some who may misconstrue my blunt, direct, and forthright approach. Here goes:
1). For me, TRUTH comes before everything. Friendships, relationships, family, all must be rooted in TRUTH. Sometimes truth can be harsh. At times truth can be brutal. If it is the TRUTH, however, then to speak it, or type it, knowing that it will offend, scare, anger or empower people is not a bad thing. Sacrificing TRUTH for friendship with your homies, or to create a false sense of peace in your organizations, churches, or groups, is to ensure the downfall of those entities. Far too often, particularly black people, stay silent about things, out of fear that to speak it will "cause drama", or disrupt peace. The worst threat to peace, however, IS silence. In the Holy Qur'an, there is a verse that reads: "And We CAST Truth against Falsehood, until we knocked out its brains". One must think to tell a lie. The lie itself is an intangible thing; The liar, however is real. If peace can only be achieved through a series of lies, then the bearer of Truth will be in conflict with those who wish to keep falsehood as the order of the day.
2). Freedom of speech is often misunderstood. Just because you have the freedom to speak your mind, does not mean you now become free from having that opinion challenged. Most people want, at their core(although they will never admit it), to speak their mind, have everyone AGREE, and they move on. Just remember: If you say you are the greatest this or that, in the world, others have the right to say, "that's bullshit", and challenge your assertion. If you are not strong enough to stand on it without becoming emotional, then you will be destroyed and end up running away from that which challenged you. Weakness and immaturity of speech will only get you slayed.
3). If you have a need to be validated or loved by strangers, and have no solid foundation of self love, you will not make it through life very well. Most people who seek a lot of attention, are really missing something on the inside that they think adoration from others will fulfill. It will not. Maturity involves knowing that you are a whole person, full of self love, and that self love will cause others to love you without you even trying. After all, as Iyanla Vanzant says, "If you don't like being with yourself, how is anyone else going to like being with you???" The "look at me, aren't i pretty and sexy? don"t you like me? Please tell me I'm hot" mentality is so pathetic.
4) OWN YOUR SHIT. If you lie and get caught, OWN IT. If you have made mistakes, OWN THEM. Because refusal to own our faults allows others to use them against us. This is why I wrote a book detailing aspects of the worst part of my life journey. Because I have made peace with it, no one can use it against me once i make peace with my past.
5).When a person will correct you, it does not signal hate, or "negativity". When a person will correct you, it is often for your own improvement. If you do not have the depth of character to handle correction, then you will sleepwalk through life, unable to grow because you cannot even correct your own faults. The Bible speaks to this: "...He whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth much..."So even God is not above correcting us, in ways we may think harshly also, to get us to be better. Don't get all bent out of shape, lying to cover your lie, attacking the corrector, and getting all in your feelings. Toughen up, humble yourself, and look at what was stated.
I hope that someone can draw from these words, as much as I did even in forming them. Take care! Love you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
