Thursday, June 28, 2012

Motives: Why I Wrote About My Life Journey

Many people have been asking recently about what my precise motivation was for revealing certain painful truths of my life in my new book, "When The Lights Go Out: The Truth About Black Male Prison Sexuality".  I will respond to that question in the following manner:

1). Part of healing for me, was and is, writing and speaking about my being molested at an early age. It was never to throw "shade" at an organization like the Nation Of Islam. People come forward to speak of their being sexually abused every day in the Christian Church(esp. The Catholic Church). The shock value of people learning that a member of the Fruit Of Islam molested me, and not a Priest or Bishop, seems to be taking precedence over the fact that I was molested..

Since people seem to overlook that fact, let me say it again.

I was molested.

.It would not matter to me if my abuser said, "All Praise Is Due To Allah" or "The Lord Is My Shepherd". Religious organizations have all of the same issues that anyone else does, and so this should not be surprising to anyone. He(my abuser) is trash, and scum in my eyes, and I owe him no allegiance. I had no choice in what he did to me.  Whatever you think of any religious movement, learn how to separate an individual's actions from the program of the whole body. Let my experience be a teachable moment for us all to understand, that the horror of sexual abuse and molestation is everywhere.

It galls me when people ask, "are you writing about this to sell books??"

Hell no, and how dare anyone suggest that I would make something this painful up, put my life on the line just for a few extra sales of a $20.00 book. I may love sex, but I will not whore out my pain for a dollar.

2). Several members of the Nation Of Islam seem concerned that, even if true(which it is...100%), will make them as an organization look "bad". To this I will simply reply: My obligation is to tell my truth, THE TRUTH,not to protect any organizations "image". People are smart enough to realize that an individual's actions does not translate to an organizational outbreak of sexual abuse. Give Black people a little more credit.

What I can fault  that organization for, if anything, is that when I reported the abuse to the Captain of Mosque No. 4 in 1993, he did not do anything to my abuser.

"You two just stay away from each other".

Those were his exact words.

As if I needed him to tell me to stay away from a guy that pinned me down and gyrated on my until he got his rocks off.

3). When I was nearly beaten to death in November of 1994 by six FOI (Fruit Of Islam) for allegedly not doing all that I could to bring Sis. Student Minister Ava Muhammad to the campus of Tuskegee University, I was shocked and stunned. I feared for my life. Anyone would be terrified if this had happened to them. I understand that this was a few rogue members of that group that took the Law into their own hands, and no one "ordered" the attack on me. I get that. I truly do.

The fact that none of the 6 men were disciplined by the Nation for nearly killing me over a speaking engagement(where no money changed hands, btw), is what I can fault them for. Don't get upset if, 18 years later, I write about my experience to help me heal from the pain, and hopefully help others heal from theirs.

I had to go to the Police for protection.

"The white man."

Thankfully, they were arrested for attempted murder, robbery, kidnapping, and aggravated assault,( and then left the school and  fled the state after they made bail) but the fact that it needed to get to that point, isn't my fault. Sorry if I am not concerned about whether something this traumatic makes other folks "look bad", nearly 20 years later.

4). I will always respect, love and admire The Honorable Louis Farrakhan, and I truly have no ill will toward him or his followers in that organization. I will not, however, stop telling my truth because some people dont like dirty laundry being aired out. Healing can only occur when truth is revealed, not kept hidden. Writing about these traumas was the best decision of my life. It is helping me heal.

Sunlight is the best disinfectant.

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