This is a list of terms I have created to describe popular but unspoken pathologies within the gay male community based on sexual positioning. Enjoy, giggle and think!
1) Sexual Position Mood Swings(S.P.M.S): A popular but often misunderstood condition among gay men who define themselves based on the rigidity of a label regarding sexual position. There are times when gay men who are amenable to both topping and bottoming may suddenly have a desire to only do one or the other for a period of time. The problem is, that gay society labels them based on a mood swing, without taking the person's OVERALL history into account. Factors that influence SPMS are weather, availability of tops and bottoms, age, and testosterone levels.
2).Bottom Biological Clock(BBC): Although we all know that bottoms are NOT the equivalent of women in the gay sexual dynamic, there is one thing both share: a biological clock. Depending on the bottom's mindset, this clock may be over-active or under-active. Symptoms of an overactive BBC syndrome include: Obsession with unrealistic fantasies about the ideal "top", pressuring their top partner for more security within their relationship, obscene dependence on relationship status as the validation of one's self esteem, and seasonal scheming and manipulation to acquire relationship status during the fall and winter months.
3)Versatile In Denial Syndrome (VIDS): This is a most common ailment among closeted versatile men who, for the sake of the insane thought that being a "top" implies a greater level of masculinity, will tell their partner(s) that they are TOPS, for fear of being ostracized by bottoms who are rigid in their sexual taste.Symptoms include: deceitful postings on BGC, A4A, and other sex sites to lure unsuspecting bottoms into their web of triangulated mess. This can usually be diagnosed by examining your "top"'s rectum for signs of entry. Eating your "tops" ass may prove most informative in your diagnosis, but be careful: just because a man likes a tongue up his butt, doesnt necessarily mean he wants a penis there. Case by Case basis.
4)Gay Position Triangulation Syndrome(GPTS): This malady is an offshoot of point number 3. This usually occurs in public settings in which a gay man wants to solicit both bottoms and tops for his sexual appetite, but does not wish to reveal his hand as to his sexual position. He publicly postures as if he were a top, while silently dog-whistling to other tops that he gets his box banged into oblivion. A skilled wordsmith is usually the culprit behind this tactic. Insecurity about his love of the cock spurs this malady on.
5).Bottom Estrus Syndrome (BES): This condition is marked by periods of intense, overwhelming desire to be penetrated, and includes spontaneous anal wetness in public places, sudden prolonged flashes of horniness far beyond the bounds of "normal" sexual arousal, and the need for constant sex to satisfy their hungry hole. Although not discussed much, this condition often causes most decent bottoms to be mislabeled "whores". They, as with tops and versatiles, go through periods of "heat", but because of the stigmatization of sexual positioning in black gay male culture, are viewed with a different, often subjective lens.
6)Sexual Position Overemphasis Syndrome(SPOS): This condition stems from a mild form of internalized self hatred, a stream of thought that places certain positions as being "not as bad" as others. This self hatred, taught by the dominant heterosexual culture, infects gay men, particularly black gay men, at an alarming rate. Symptoms include: reading the gurls based on sexual position, constantly mentioning your own sexual position and that of others, for some obscure rhetorical point not made clear to anyone( not even themselves), and showing disparate levels of respect to others based on this pathology.
7)Effeminization Of Position Syndrome ( EOPS):this occurs when bottoms internalize the cynical attitudes of natural born women who feel a competitive spirit to get a limited number of men( in this case, tops) symptoms include: backbiting on another bottom so she can secure the dick, lying to her gurlfriends about her pieces massive tool to keep them away from him, and keeping at least 5 tops on constant speed dial for emergency purposes.
Sexual Position Identity Syndrome(SPIS)Similar to GPTS, only it occurs among potential dates and husbands. There have been many a bottom fooled into thinking their man is a total TOP, only to find out that the man they allow on their back with reckless abandon gets PUMMELED and calls their own rectum a "pussy". Be warned.
Gender Sexual Position Assignment Syndrome(GSPAS):This commonly impacts both gays who assign gender roles based on sexual position, and ignorant heterosexual men and women who assume that being a "top" during gay sex means that one is the "man" in the relationship, and the "bottom" is the female substitute. This stupid, archaic, stereotypical, and insulting pathology forced on the LGBT community by their "straight" counterparts, has become internalized by far too many gay black men. " Is he a top or a bottom?" one usually asks. "Chile you know he is super bottom...she is a WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!" is the answer among those who suffer this malady. There are fem tops, masculine bottoms,masc/fem versatiles, and everything within the personality spectrum in all positions.
Situational Versatility Syndrome:(SVS): This occurs among the self proclaimed "Tops" who declare that, when in a relationship, will bottom based on "love".(sobs...grabs tissue)How sweet. *sips tea* Upon further inspection, research shows that such persons are merely guarded versatile chaps that hold their man-gina ransom for love and security, and on some level still feel that being a top for the masses assures them of masculinity. Their premise, on the surface, seems so noble: "If i meet the lover that i am to settle down with, I will give up the ass selectively upon request"..there are just two problems with this:1)If you were a whore enough to fuck a dude on the first night, then your "virtue" card was lost in the gay mail the moment you pushed the button to request it. Sex among men is SEX.......*clutches pearls* You do not appear more date worthy because you held that average boogina out until dating status...in fact, you trap your date into a relationship thinking that climbing your back secures the throne. 34% of you haven't learned the SCIENCE of Douching,,,,17% of you are so thirsty for getting a dick up your hole you will concede his demands.... and the remaining 49%.......are up for grabs... but be careful: If you smash them off the first night and they thought you gave the DICK up too quick, be prepared for the same pathology you render to others...Did i mention you were plunging a MAN? and he shares the same mindset about your dick as you about his ass?Just a thought. *sips tea*
Ponder, Reflect, and Enjoy!!!!!!!!!